Saturday, August 13, 2016

Is Crying Alone Better?

There are times when we are sad and cry alone thinking that we don't have anyone to share our sorrow with. We think how lucky those people are who are sad and have their family and loved ones with them. They have their dear ones to support them, a parent/spouse to go home to, maybe a child whose innocence will make them momentarily forget their sadness. We watch these people with moist eyes and hungry hearts, wishing someone would give us a chocolate and a hug and say everything's going to be okay!

But then again, these "lucky" people cannot cry any time they feel like. The sorrow of not being able to completely express themselves in front of the ones they are closest to must be so huge that it might be tearing them apart! They can't cry whenever and wherever they want to, or step out on a long drive at midnight to scream their lungs out so that no one can hear them, or without explaining themselves to an "interrogation."

How painful it must be to live each day with a heavy heart full of toxic waste that's just waiting to be thrown out!

We think we know people and their lives by just looking at the surface. Maybe we really do. But what if there is more beneath the surface?

We understand another's pain and grief usually when we are going through the same pain (or some kind of pain) ourselves or if they explain to us why. But this is not always possible. We become analytical and logical and draw conclusions that somebody is good or bad or right or wrong. Maybe we should try to put ourselves in the shoes of these people and take a moment to realize that there might be a reason behind their behavior, before making those conclusions. It won't change those people if they are really wrong, and it won't reduce their sadness or solve their problems, but it will prevent us from straining our nerves with anxiety. It will help us empathise more, and we will be able to be there for such people even when the conditions don't require us to do that.

The test a kind heart is not about standing beside another grieving person when we are grieving; it is about standing beside them when they are still grieving even when our own grief is over. Generosity is tested when we can become another's shoulder to cry on even when we don't have a shoulder for ourselves. A true friendship is not about being there only during tough times, or only during good times. Some are there for us during tough times and disappear during good times because they don't love us enough to see us happy. Some are there beside us only to multiply our joys and go MIA during our difficult times because the going just got tough. And then there are those who stand by us during the tough times and laugh with us during our happy times - such souls are treasures worth keeping, their hearts are homes worth living in.

Where is your shoulder? Who is your home?


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